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11 April 2006 @ 10:24 pm
Boycott Wal-Mart  
This is the second one I wrote, and it took me roughly 30 minutes to write most of this. This one got a little more laughs, especially the fourth paragraph. ;)

Oh, and please feel free to leave comments; I need the encouragement.

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Wal-Mart, founded in 1962 by Sam Walton, is known all over the world for its low prices, smiley-face logo, and also its ability to crush local mom and pop stores into the ground.

If you read my previous column about boycotting MySpace, you are probably groaning about why I would write another one of these. Well, it’s simply because I want to further expose the evils this modern society has created. I do not expect everyone to boycott Wal-Mart, nor do I expect even one person, but I feel that it is needed. After all, this series does provide a few laughs. Now, onto the real reason why this story is taking up a couple of inches of a piece of paper.

On May 5, 2006, I am proposing to boycott Wal-Mart for the purposes to not only ruin their diminutive sales, but also to destabilize the U.S. economy. Not only is Wal-Mart famous for weakening the economy of hundreds of small towns, but has also been in the local news lately for wanting to build a Supercenter on top of the environmentally sensitive Edwards Aquifer zone, which is in danger already from people drinking too much water.

In addition, Wal-Mart has threatened the lives of hundreds, maybe even thousands, of grackles, which are not really birds, but hobos in disguise. These birds have affectionately been called “Wal-Mart birds” because they make their homes in the trees around the stores. They travel in massive flocks, big enough to block out the sun and destroy small town crops, which further lead to the weakening of the economy. These birds are also considered criminals for pooping on every unfortunate soul that strays underneath trees and power lines. I have firsthand seen babies being suffocated by the wings of these vermin, as they attempt to peck out their eyes, which are a delicacy to the birds as much as caviar is to us.

This proposed boycott applies not only to Wal-Mart, but also to Sam’s Club, for the sole reason that it is a part of the behemoth. Although Wal-Mart may not build these buy-in-bulk stores with the same aggressiveness, they endanger the economy even more because one can buy supplies in bulk. How does this prove to be even more of a problem? The answer lies in saving time and money. If a family buys everything they need in bulk, they buy stuff less often, which pumps less money into the economy, and they save time. This is an odd tactic for Wal-Mart to take, because the more time one spends in a store, especially a grocery store, the more they spend.

Currently, Wal-Mart has hit a brick wall in their steps to create a bank inside their stores. The titan already owns 10% of the retail market, and letting it create a bank will make it bigger. Besides, who would really want to write checks that are blue and white and say Wal-Mart all over them, even as a watermark?

Now, I urge everyone to take necessary action. Whatever action you take make a tremendous impact, whether it be not walking into a Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club; yelling everyone to boycott the giant in the streets; or not drinking any more water.

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Coming next month: McDonald's Shall Be Overrun